Velma VonMassacre

  • But We’re Vegan!

    Sale! $9.99 $8.99 9:43

    “Aiden – are you gonna come or not. We wanna start this movie,” Fifi hollers out to her roommate. He apologizes, telling them he wanted something to eat during the movie, and then takes a bite of his sandwich.

    The girls look at him in disgust, and Fifi rudely blurts out, “What did we say about that?” Aiden raises his eyebrows, but he is well aware that his roommates, Velma and Fifi, are vegan, and that they try to push their beliefs on anyone and everything.

    “It’s not even judging you – it’s just gross to eat meat, and you know that,” Velma blabs, but Aiden doesn’t give in this time.

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  • Amazon Land

    Sale! $14.99 $13.99 14:21

    Amazon Land – a world dictated by the biggest, meanest, dominant, giant women. You, among several other tiny men, were caught walking their land, and now you’ve been shoved into a tiny container where you can hardly move or breathe.

    Occasionally, one of the amazons will come to the jar, take their pick, and you’ll never see that little person again. Why men?

    “How are you guys all doing in there?” Velma asks as she shakes the crammed container.

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  • Jerk to Velma’s Dirty, Stinky, Size 11 Feet

    Sale! $10.99 $9.99 9:54

    “Hi,” Velma smiles, her big, filthy, smelly, size 11 feet facing you. Her shoes are covered in dirt and grime, and she can’t help but taunt you with her delicious feet.

    She nudges her foot towards your mouth, “I bet you’d like them deep, deep, deep down your throat.

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  • Fifi’s Not So Great Bikini

    Sale! $9.99 $8.99 7:46

    “I think I look pretty good in this dress,” Fifi gloats looking at herself in the mirror. Fifi tells Velma that she’ll just grab her bikini real quick, make sure it looks alright, and then they’ll go pick up hers.

    “I remember these, I haven’t worn these in a minute,” Fifi says happily with her bikinis in hand. “If you’re not pregnant, you’re just kinda fat,” Velma breaks it to her.

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  • The New Company Policy

    Sale! $7.99 $6.99 7:02

    When his boss, Ms. VonMassacre, discovers that he’s been plastering the break room with posted notes, she isn’t too pleased with his misconduct. VonMassacre fires back a quick response, “Have you read the company policy and procedure on notes in the breakroom?” As she begins explaining where to find the memo, she looks down to see that Aiden is wearing house slippers instead of dress shoes.

    “Wow – you wore THOSE shoes to work today?” she says in a bitchy tone.

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  • Forced to Smell Velma’s Gigantic, Stinky Feet

    Sale! $7.99 $6.99 7:00

    When Velma got partnered up with a douchey jock for a science project, she knew she’d be doing the assignment herself.

    Velma aimlessly fidgets on her phone, mumbling about how late Aiden is running, and then hears a knock on the door. “We really need to get started on this project.”

    Aiden continues to pull out his science book and notes, and then looks over at Velma, “I didn’t even read the chapter – I’m sure you did, though. I’m going to need to copy off your notes.”

    Velma, now completely irritated, comes up with a fair trade in exchange for her notes – Aiden has to smell her disgusting, bare, gigantic, size 11 feet.

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